"If you're not with me, then you're my enemy." - Anakin Skywalker, The Revenge of the Sith

"Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists." - George W. Bush

"For whoever is not against us is for us." - Mark 9:40, the gospel for May 18, 2005

The Revenge of the Sith premiered last night. I was supposed to watch it with my Star Wars friends, but a spur-of-the-moment decision landed me and my two sisters with tickets to a May 18 premiere of the much-awaited flick at Shangri-La. It was just fitting that I watched the last Star Wars film in the very same place where almost a decade ago, in the Summer of ’97, I was formally introduced as a Solo-ish skeptic to that galaxy far, far away. Stickers, magazines, a lightsabre, and a research paper later, there I was waiting for the last major Star Wars project that George Lucas has up his sleeve.

The last installment of the beloved Lucasian saga was finally previewed by a bevy of unenthusiastic moviegoers save for a couple of fandroids like me. The only sign of any Star Wars memorabilia came in the form of a worn-out Darth Maul t-shirt sported by a bearded guy (you’d think he wanted to look like Lucas) and a foreigner wearing a cape (the reason why the foreigner was a so happy was because he gets to watch Sith ahead of his New York buddies at one-sixth the price). I entered the new and fancier Shangri-La Cineplex armed with Qui-Gon Jinn’s lightsabre. After an endless run of trailers (normally, I like trailers), the famous 20^th Century Fox-Lucasfilm intro finally appeared with its rousing musical score. My heart was beating so fast. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…I was breathing almost as loudly as Darth Vader. Then, John Williams’s famous theme blasted into my eardrums. I nearly hyperventilated.

***Spoilers start here***

I never thought I would get this hyped up about it. Now, I’m not lying. I’m not exaggerating, but I was teary-eyed by the time the introduction was rolling into the screen. This is it. This is the last time this will ever happen. That was the last time I was to enter a movie house to watch a Star Wars film that I’ve never seen before. I thought of how Lucas’s buddy Francis Ford Coppola may have influenced him in the scene where Anakin (now Darth Vader) goes off to kill all the Jedi. It reminded of that killing montage near the ending of The Godfather I.

The last scene, which showed Luke’s Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru Lars carrying him as a baby, looking into the two setting suns of Tatooine’s horizon the way Mark Hamill did in A New Hope, was so moving that I was literally dumbfounded. I couldn’t move. I was stuck to my seat, and my eyes were stuck to the screen. I love the way the closing credits surprise you from an intense final scene. I didn’t talk on our way home. I didn’t even talk when got home. That night, I went downstairs and brought out Star Wars magazines I’ve collected through the years. I fell asleep with lightsabre duels and laser blasts going on in my mind.

I’m not going to talk much about the film per se. A lot of critics will do that for me. All I have to say is that Lucas kept everything for this last film. The Younglings are this trilogy’s Ewoks. Yoda and R2 are adorable as usual. A surprise appearance by no other than Chewie himself was my only link to Han Solo that night. Natalie Portman is so pretty (though I still like the Princess Leia character more), but I can’t stop remembering Closer. Where’d they get that Peter Cushing dead ringer? The best by far in the new trilogy, Sith literally left me dumbstruck. What a way to go.

***Spoilers end here***

This premiere’s boring turnout is in stark contrast to the fanfare at Shang 8 years ago when Star Wars Special Edition premiered. I still remember that fateful day. It was Sunday morning, and I was watching TV as usual. My dad comes into the room and tries to convince me to watch A New Hope. He said they were releasing a Special Edition of the Star Wars Trilogy. I was far from willing. In fact, he had to drag me to the old Shangri-La cinema to watch it. I was so grumpy and annoyed that I even said, “I’d rather watch a Barbie movie than this!” I thought Star Wars would just be some Star Trek rip-off.

When we got there, there was already a very long line. We lined up, and upon entering the theatre’s lobby, I was immediately impressed by loads of glass-encased Star Wars memorabilia. The movie blew me away. The first guy I recognized was none other than Mr. Harrison Ford, whom I remembered as Indiana Jones. I left that movie house a whole new person. I was never the same again.

Star Wars means a lot to me. Though I’m not the first gawky, wide-eyed kiddo to be entranced and forever captured by the Jedi spell, I’m probably one of the few people my age who became a fan even before The Phantom Menace ever came out. I was a freak. A Star Wars freak. I was that girl running around our 4^th grade corridors, mimicking Vader’s husky, muffled voice. I was that girl who, in an attempt to win a game in class, used her wristwatch to contact Luke and the gang for help. At that time, not many people cared for Star Wars while I regularly put myself to sleep with my Star Wars sticker book.

There are different kinds of Star Wars fans. There are those who are into the action figures and video games. There are those who are into Harrison Ford, Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christiansen, or even Mark Hamill. There are those, like me, who experience Star Wars in an almost spiritual level. Now I’m not pulling your leg. I really did feel the Force. I’m not kidding. I would go on normally as a student most of the time, but there would be those unexplainable moments wherein I would just be filled with this powerful sensation. These moments were Star Wars moments, and I knew it was the Force. Sadly though, I haven’t felt it in years. I guess you don’t understand, so ignore what I just wrote.

I never had enough money to buy all those expensive Star Wars toys. It would take 2 more years before I would get addicted to the internet, so I never got to be like those other Star Wars fans in the net. The kind of things that excited me back then as a fan were new Harrison Ford movies, a new book by Carrie Fisher, how Grover sounds just like Yoda, or that Michael Jackson music video that featured Billy Dee Williams. I would look through the entertainment section of every newspaper and magazine in the house for anything Star Wars. That’s all I had, but it felt like so much more.

Star Wars came during the outbreak of my wonder years. There are 4 things that I remember from 1997, and that’s Star Wars, Titanic (which I hated), and the deaths of Princess Diana and Mother Theresa. It’s pretty much safe to say that Star Wars triggered my consciousness and woke me up. My eyes were open to the world outside me. Ever since 1997, I’ve been reading the newspaper every single day. In the process of looking for Star Wars stuff in the news, I ended up in the other sections of magazines, thus exposing me to everything else, from politics to sports. My grandmother was once amused at how I would be so engrossed in reading Time and Newsweek. Because of Star Wars, I became a constant viewer of E! News Live with Steve Kmetko. Although I had other favorite films before it, Star Wars can be credited as the movie that exposed me to the entertainment industry. In the same way that The Beatles influenced me into playing the guitar, Star Wars influenced me into becoming a film buff.

I am now proud to admit it, but being the only Star Wars fan within a 30-meter radius was hard. I was perceived as a weirdo—a loser Star Whatever geek. Oh come on. Admit it. You did find it weird then. Yes, I’m talking about 4^th grade. You didn’t know a Tie-fighter from a X-wing fighter back then, so you didn’t give a damn and thought it was foolish and pathetic. I was never popular. Heck, I was never even accepted into the normal-average sector. I was always one of the losers. Why? Because I liked the weirdest things. I liked The Beatles. I liked Star Wars. I loved reading classic books. Don’t deny it. I know some of you still remember.

Maybe I tried to be a closet Star Wars fan for a while, but I stuck to it and to the other things that I loved. I risked being called a weirdo. I suffered the consequences of being eccentric in grade school, and guess what? When The Phantom Menace came out, they all forgot that I was one of the original Star Wars maniacs. Suddenly, all these new fans popped out of nowhere, and no one even remembered that they once ostracized me for loving the very thing that they’re so in to now.

It was frustrating, and it wasn’t the last time it happened, but if there’s one thing that I’m proud of, it’s that I withstood all the humiliation that comes with being unique so that I could be who I really was. Star Wars reminds me of that.

Whether I do become a filmmaker or not, Star Wars will have its effect on me. Just a few months ago, I made a research paper on Star Wars and Nietzsche for English class. Just as Lucas may have been unconsciously influenced Nietzsche, Star Wars has influenced me in more ways than I am aware of. Star Wars is an experience. You don’t just watch one film. You won’t get it. You watch them all. The magic of Star Wars isn’t really in its special effects. The magic goes beyond the films, into that galaxy far, far away…